


apologies for all that i have done

by angelheartbeat



Series: oneshotstuck [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Fluff, Friendship, Gentle and soft lov it, Human Moiraillegiance, Memories from alternate timelines, Mind Control, moirail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-02 23:16:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11519550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelheartbeat/pseuds/angelheartbeat
Summary: Jane has always wondered, ever since they entered their new world and memories flooded in from alternate timelines, just why Jake sacrificed himself for her, after all she did to him.





	apologies for all that i have done

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of emotions about one (1) Jake English.

The sun lowers, slowly but surely, painting the sky in streaks of red and orange, turning normal rocks to lumps of burnished gold, and disappearing bit by bit from warming the face of a boy sat on a cliff, legs swinging.

He sighs, closes his eyes, adjusts his glasses, dislodges a rock from the cliff below him. He runs his fingers over a scar on his jaw. He tries not to lose himself in the disappearing warmth of the sun.

Footsteps appear from behind him, a click of kitten heels that makes him freeze up in terror, because since his memories came in, the sound of heels clicking reminds him of everything that happens, and it is only when he sees the familiar blue skirt and warm smile does he relax.

"Jake," Jane begins as she settles herself on the cliff edge next to Jake, smoothing her skirt out. "May I ask you a question?"

"I'm all ears, Janey darling!" Jake replies, easy, cheerful. The brave, determined, adventurer persona he has been putting on since he first met his friends and desperately wanted to impress them. Jane shuffles closer. There is silence for a long moment. The sun slides further down the horizon.

".. do you still like adventures?"

The question is not at all what Jake expected, and he blinks in surprise. "Well, of course! What kind of pitiful adventurer would I be if I didnt even like adventures, hm?" But the words scratch a nerve in his heart, poke at a wound he doesn't want to touch. 

"Truthfully?"

"I..." There is another moment of long, drawn out silence. "I suppose not.  But then, do.. do any of us like the same things we used to?"

"I do. Roxy does, well, most things, and Dirk does, and Callie does. I cant speak with as much certainty for the others, but I'm sure they do." Jane rests her head on Jakes shoulder, exhales gently. He stiffens, tenses, and she closes her eyes. "Why did you sacrifice yourself for me, Jake?"

"I.. I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Janey dear." But he is tense, hardly breathing, and she knows he is not telling the truth. She always knows.

"In the... in the timeline where I was, um.. Under the influence of, well, I suppose mind control would be the most accurate description. All the trickster bullshit went down, and then we went god tier, and before I knew it, you were in jail, and I was saying such awful things to you."

Jake is perfectly still at her side, which does nothing to alleviate her fears. "And, well, even after all that went down, and we were all fighting, and you did your hope field, you still... you still threw yourself in front of that fork. And you died heroically, while I died  _just,_ Jake. I was a villain. Why did you do it?"

There is silence for a long, long time. Both sets of eyes, green and blue, mist over with the sheen of tears, and the sun slips under the blanket of the horizon, agonisingly slowly. Eventually, mercifully, Jake speaks.

"Because you're Jane."

"Pardon?"

"You're Janey. Even when you had all those obey commands rattling around in that old noggin of yours, you're still Jane Crocker, by Jove. It doesn't matter how garbled your speech is, or how much it..." His shoulders shake, and Jane places a worried hand atop his. "Well, no matter what, you're still one of my very best of friends, and I dont hold any of it against you."

"Jake, I.." She buries her face in his shoulder to mask the tears threatening to spill, letting out a long exhale as he reaches his arm around and runs his fingers through her hair, seemingly composed. "Even though I said such awful things to you?"

"Even though you said such awful things to me."

"Even though I called you too stupid to have power and essentially said your only good quality was your looks?"

"Even... yes, even though."

"Even though the sight of me makes you tense up in fear?"

He doesn't reply for a second, but softly chuckles. "You, you caught that, hm? Oh Janey. Ever the observant sleuth."

The sun is almost beyond visibility now, the sky deepening to a dark blue, and Jane can no longer see as clearly as she could when the sun was setting. She doubts Jake can see any better.

"You're so much more than your looks, Jake."

"I.. I should hope so. Preposterous to assume an adventurer is only useful for eye candy, is it not?"

"You said you dont like adventures anymore."

He deflates like a balloon pricked with a pin, shoulders slumping. "I wish I did. But the magic just isn't there any more. I'm no brave soul, roughing it through the wilds, nor am I a swashbuckling rogue with nerves of steel. I'm just Jake, I suppose, and I.. I'm not sure how much that means anymore."

Crickets chirp from somewhere at the bottom of the cliff, carrying up to the two on the edge - fearless thanks to godly abilities. The silence is not awkward, per say, more companionable. 

"I think you're brave."

"I'm glad someone does."

Jake twists his head, presses a kiss into the thick curls atop Jane's head, so like the crown of cowlicks on their ecto-sons head, or the messy curls of their ecto-daughter. She sighs, relaxes into him, but frowns after a moment. She can feel a patch on her hair growing damp, and given that Jake's face is still pressed into her mess of curls, she thinks she knows the reason.

Pulling away, she is unsurprised to see Jake's face crumpled and twisted up, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. Careful not to move quickly and alarm his wild instincts, Jane lifts a hand and cups his cheek. He lays his hand atop hers, keeps it pressed to his cheek, and leans into her cupped palm.

"Apologies, Janey," he says, through a thick film of tears, and she feels her face crumple at the sight of her friend in such dismay. "I appear to have... to have.. to have been slain by the ferocity of emotion. I'll be alright in a tick."

He doesn't look like hes going to be alright. His shoulders are shuddering with each silent sob, and hes leaning into Jane's palm like a lifeline, like if she lets him go he'll fall off the cliff and never rise again. Gently, she cups his other cheek with her other palm, and brings his head close. She can sense his panic that she's going to kiss him and almost regrets it, but perhaps the way he relaxes when their foreheads press together is worth it.

"Sorry for being such a bother," Jake murmurs, and Jane lets out a soft shoosh and presses her lips to his forehead, before placing their foreheads back together.

"You're not a bother, Jake. I'm sorry for everything I did in that timeline. And thank you, for sacrificing yourself."

He doesn't reply, but she can sense his tears strengthening and knows her words reached him. They stay like that for a while, foreheads together, Jake's face cupped in Jane's hands, her letting him cry himself out without a word needed.

"Do you think the trolls would count this as moy-ray-eel-legiance, or however you say it?" she wonders out loud, and the soft, damp, sniffly chuckle he lets out is all worth it. 

"It's rather nice," Jake comments. "I can see why the trolls like it."

After a while, they shift so that they no longer have their foreheads together, but rather are enclosed in a warm embrace, holding one another close, before separating and simply having Jake loop his arm around her neck and Jane wrap her arm around his waist. 

They sat there for a good long while, watching as twinkling stars appeared overhead, and thought about all that had happened, and wondered about all that would happen next.

**Author's Note:**

> This turned out very different to how I planned, but I'm happy with it. I've only written Jane once, so I dont think I characterise her very well, but this was more a gentle practise work than anything.  
> Hope you enjoyed!!


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